Whenever you get a cold sore or a bad case of dermatitis, it’s a struggle to go out in public. Indeed, many people will feign illness or a prior engagement to avoid leaving the home if they get a pimple on their nose! Imagine being seen with your skin, fat and bodily fluids putrefying and oozing all over the place. Mortified!
Well, these early Christian saints knew how to combat this affront to good grooming. In 1578, priests in Rome discovered a whole bunch of skeletons in some forgotten catacombs under the city. Due to the destruction of relics all over Europe during the protestant reformation, these skeletons, believed to be martyred Christians, were dressed up in bright, bejewelled garb and distributed to ravaged churches all over the continent.
These skeletons prove that bling is eternal, holy even. So you’d better go buy a diamond grill that reads ‘CLA$$Y’ and four Rolexes (one for each limb) so you can be buried with them and you’ll then end up in Heaven.
