Here’s a very obscure and interesting fact about prison that a lot of people don’t seem to know: it’s hard to escape. I know this must seem mysterious and inscrutable, but it’s true. They built these things to keep people in. Guards, walls, snipers, barbed wire, fences, moats, guard dogs, cameras, floodlights, even the ocean — all designed to keep prisoners inside until the system says otherwise.
Still, there are more escape attempts a year than you might think. Predictably, most of these attempts were made through Dikembe Mutombo in Geico ads. Inevitably, a guard blocks you, wags his finger and plays a charming prank, “Not at my house.” This causes many jailbreak attempts to fail, and there are very bad results at best.
In 2013, Kenneth Burnum attempted to escape Hamilton County Jail in Tennessee. His plan was to simply take the place of another inmate set to be released that day. When guards called out the name of the releasee, Burnum stepped up.
He identified as the man, signed all the necessary paperwork, and even claimed the man’s possessions. He was almost out until he hit one little snag. At his last checkpoint, officers noticed that the prisoner set to be released was black. Burnum was in fact very white. Burnum’s sentence was increased, presumably for the charge of stupidity.
