Here’s a very obscure and interesting fact about prison that a lot of people don’t seem to know: it’s hard to escape. I know this must seem mysterious and inscrutable, but it’s true. They built these things to keep people in. Guards, walls, snipers, barbed wire, fences, moats, guard dogs, cameras, floodlights, even the ocean — all designed to keep prisoners inside until the system says otherwise.
Still, there are more escape attempts a year than you might think. Predictably, most of these attempts were made through Dikembe Mutombo in Geico ads. Inevitably, a guard blocks you, wags his finger and plays a charming prank, “Not at my house.” This causes many jailbreak attempts to fail, and there are very bad results at best.
Jessica Boomershine went to prison for kidnapping and robbing an 85-year-old man. She broke into the elderly man’s house, forced him to withdraw money from an ATM for her, and then left him locked in the trunk of his car outside a landfill. So don’t feel bad that her escape attempt was an embarrassing mess.
Boomershine tried to escape a holding room in the Prosecutor’s Office by entering the ceiling and crawling through the tiles to freedom. She only made it a few feet up there before the ceiling collapsed beneath her—and she ended up down there. Among the falling tiles, she slowly dropped from her elevated escape route… straight into a trash can. It’s poetic, considering where she left her victim.